Peter's Soliloquy
by StoryMing
Summary: Peter reflects on the events surrounding Jesus' last days on earth. I originally wrote this piece to be performed as a monologue, but I thought I'd share it here. Feedback and comments much appreciated!


Three times. That's what he told me. He said I would deny him, three times. Me!

I didn't want to believe it. I- _couldn't_ believe it.

I was the one who was first to recognize and hail him as Christ; the one he called out of the boat to go walking on the waves; his right hand man!

 _Deny him!_

-He told me, plainly, how it would be. He warned me: Satan would sift me as wheat. And _still_... I never saw it coming.

That night. I didn't think much of it, when he led us to the garden, the olive grove, in Gethsemane. He had been in a strange mood all evening, but this, at least, was as usual. He took the three of us aside, James, John, and myself; asked us to keep watch with him, and pray. So we did. For a good several minutes, at least...

Then, _he_ came. Judas. One of us; one of the Twelve! Led them right to us! I wanted to fight! I couldn't understand how anyone- who had been that close to Jesus- could do such a thing. ...Still less that I myself would be selling Jesus out, too, before the night was over- and not for any thirty silver coins.

They led him away, to the courtyard of the high priest, to be tried before the Sanhedrin. John and I followed. John, you see, was known to the high priest, so they let him in right away; and he got them to let me in too. ...Maybe it would have been better if I had just stayed outside.

The girl, at the gate. When she let me in, she was looking at me. And she said, "You also were with that Nazarene, Jesus of Galiee. You're not one of his disciples, are you?" -But I... I denied it before them all. "I don't know what you're talking about," I said. "woman, I don't know him!"

I went out to the entryway, where they had made a fire to keep warm- it was cold out!- and as I stood there, minding my own business, just trying to get warm, someone else says to me, "You also are one of them. This fellow was with Jesus of Nazareth!"

I denied it again, with an oath this time, for good measure; "I am not! I don't know the man." And the night wore on.

After a little while- it might have been about an hour later- another of those standing around comes up to me and says, "Surely you are one of them, for you are a Galilean; your accent gives you away!" And the servant of the high priest chimes in, "Didn't I see you with him, in the olive grove?"

...I lost it. I panicked! I began to call down curses on myself, and I swore to them, _"I DON'T KNOW THE MAN!" -_ That was when the rooster crowed.

Jesus turned, and looked at me. Just- looked. And _then_ I remembered the word the Lord had spoken; "Before the rooster crows twice tonight, you will disown me- three times". ...I don't remember, how I went out from there. I only know... I've never cried so hard in my life.

The next three days were like a nightmare. Jesus was- condemned. Flogged. Crucified. When I heard that he was dead- and _how_ he had died... I, who had boasted that I was ready to go with him to prison, and to death-! ...Judas, too, was gone. I heard he went back, tried to return the money. They say he threw the coins into the temple; then went out... and hanged himself. "I have sinned!" he said, "I have betrayed innocent blood!" Well so had I! And was my betrayal, really, any different than his?

In his hour of greatest need, we _**all**_ deserted him, and fled.

After the Sabbath was over, very early on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and some of the other women came running in, shouting, crying- the body had disappeared! John and I ran out to look. The body was gone; the graveclothes were there, all folded up. I didn't know what to make of it. But- later that day... He appeared to us. Not as a ghost, I don't mean _that_ \- He sat there, eating broiled fish; he had Risen! He was alive! Even that sceptic, Thomas, was finally convinced. But I; how could I look Him in the face, after what I had done?

Well, one day, I went out in the boat to fish, and the others came with me. But that night, we caught nothing. In the morning, there was a stranger standing on the shore. We didn't recognize him. He asked us if we had any fish; we said we didn't; and he told us to throw our nets out on the right side of the boat. When we did- we couldn't pull them back in, they were so heavy, the nets- they were about to break! But they didn't. - 153 fish.

I heard John call out, "It is the Lord!" So when I heard him say that, I- put my shirt back on, and- jumped into the water. The others followed in the boat; we weren't far from shore, about 100 yards. When we got there, Jesus had a fire going; He cooked us breakfast.

When we had finished eating, Jesus said to me, "Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?" "Yes, Lord," I said, "you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my lambs."

Again Jesus said, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" I answered, "Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Take care of my sheep."

The third time he said to me, "Simon son of John, do you love me?" That hurt, that Jesus asked for the third time, "Do you love me?" I said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep."

Three times. He asked me if I love Him, three times.

Because, you see, the one who needed to know the answer... was _me_. He is my Lord. And I will follow Him, anywhere.


End file.
